In the last few weeks while talking with various friends, I’ve heard a similar comment: “It looks like you’re living your best life!”
Each time, I’m not sure what to say. Because truthfully, I’m never sure that I am.
So when I woke up this morning, I had a single question on my mind:
What does it actually mean to live your best life?
To help wrangle my thoughts together, I decided to do what I usually do when I need to work through a question or an idea.
I went for a walk.
I’m currently in Kosovo, so my walk included me meandering down the Shesh—the main walking thoroughfare in the country’s capital city, Prishtina. This week is Thanksgiving for me, but here it’s also Flag Day, a day in which locals celebrate Albanian Independence (the majority of those living in Kosovo are ethnically Albanian).
The Shesh was buzzing with a festive air.
Workers were hanging rows of Albanian and Kosovar flags. Shops have been getting ready for the holidays, so decorations have popped up everywhere: A giant Christmas tree was nearly up in the square, rows of Christmas market huts appeared that no doubt will sell lots of rakija and mulled wine, a massive amount of lights were hanging above the promenade, and one building even looked as if it was wrapped in a Christmas bow. Kosovo knows how to celebrate the holidays.
I eventually stopped at a cafe for a while to simply observe people as they went by.
I let my mind ponder my big question further as I watched two men in fedoras slowly walk, arm in arm. Their conversation was animated and intense, and I wondered what it was all about. Others sped by, carrying papers slipped inside plastic covers—likely on their way to get some sort of stamp of official approval to legitimize their document.
Several women in black slacks and heels clicked across the tiles with intention, handbags tight under their arms. Men in navy, slim cut suits served as their counterparts. Young boys zipped through the crowd on scooters while pockets of men sat in their winter jackets along the promenade puffing on cigarettes.
I feel as if I can watch an entire city pass me by on the Shesh each day. It’s a microcosm of community, and it’s fascinating.
Each person has a story.
Each one is living their life in the best way they know how.
Which brings me back to my question:
What does it actually mean to live your best life?
And why am I uncomfortable when others note that I’m “living my best life”?
Is it because I don’t believe I am? That I think the phrase suggests my life is perfect, when it’s actually not? Or that others are seeing just one chapter, but not the full story of my life? Is it all really just BS?
I am curious as to why this particular remark makes me uncomfortable, and I’m wondering if it’s because 2 competing realities are at play in my life and I’m learning to allow them to be equally true without judgment.
1- I truly am having the time of my life.
A friend recently asked me if I’m happy, and my response came pretty easily: “Yes. I’m happier right now than I think I’ve been in a long time.”
I’m in my 50s, and I’ve created a life that includes travel, adventure and a whole lot of flexibility. I also get to work with and mentor some of the most amazing, brave women that I know.
I’ve had the honor of hosting 7 or them recently in Montenegro for a weeklong retreat, and I’m currently walking with 4 women in my Brave Journey program. Watching them face their fears and celebrate their triumphs and transformation is truly incredible.
I’ve worked really hard in the last 5 years to re-discover the things I want in life and who I want to be in this world.
The 13-year-old version of me who had big hopes of making a difference and dreams of traveling the world would be proud of the 51-year-old me who has finally taken the leap to step out and do something that she loves, even if she has no guarantee any of it will work.
2- But I’m also constantly struggling to make my way through it all.
Yes, I’m choosing to step into a way of life that I think suits me. I’ve taken several leaps to figure out how to bring some of my dreams into fruition. I’m no longer trapped in a patriarchal, 8-to-5 job that sucks the life out of me.
Instead, I’m crafting a business and a life that suits my temperament and my dreams. That’s truly something to celebrate because the road that got me here was everything but easy.
But…I’m also regularly terrified of it all falling apart.
I worry I’ll somehow make a wrong move (or not make a move), and everything will be gone and I’ll be right back to square one.
I worry about getting old and not having enough.
I worry about being alone.
I worry a lot.
So lately I’m working on discovering how I can feel safe and taken care of in this world, no matter my circumstances. I have a very well worn story inside of me that constantly says I’m alone and without reliable resources, so … every…damn…day I struggle to push back on that story so I can slowly create a new one of my own.
So again…what does it actually mean to live your best life?
I don’t think it has anything to do with living a glamorous, easy life without problems. Or having finally arrived at a place in life in which everything is now easy and falling into line.
That is completely unrealistic, and it’s certainly not where I am.
For me, I think living my best life means showing up for each day—and for myself—in the best ways that I can.
It means allowing myself to delight in the good things.
Taking in the beautiful moments and savoring them.
Being proud of the work I’m doing and how far I’ve come.
Pressing toward the things that I know my heart yearns for.
Taking one step each day toward the things that bring me life.
Making time to think about how I want to feel in this life, and being brave enough to take steps toward that.
It also means stepping into the scary stuff and being honest about the fact that it’s f-n hard.
Walking through huge periods of loneliness or days of feeling as if nothing is as it should be.
Some days I simply hunker down and wallow for a while. And then eventually, I try to claw my way out of it by journaling, walking or talking with my therapist or a close friend.
Being honest about my fears and doing my best to make this way in the world—despite the shitty parts—is actually a journey that can turn out to be quite beautiful.
We only ever see snapshots of each other’s lives. And the truth is, what we see is always only a frame.
Just like me watching the men and women on the Shesh: I’m privvy to a single moment in their life as they walk by.
It might be a moment of joy.
Or it might be one in which they are simply putting one foot in front of the other, hoping that they’re doing the right thing or making their way in this world the best they can.
And that’s what I think it means to Live Your Best Life.
It’s doing the best you can, day in and day out. One step at a time.
It does not mean life is easy or that you’ve arrived. That you’re no longer afraid or don’t have important needs that are going unmet. It’s not something only someone else gets to have and you must watch with envy.
I think Living My Best Life means doing the best I can, each and every day, to live into the ways that feel true to who I am and what I need. It doesn’t mean I do it perfectly—or even well. It simply means I’m showing up, ready to learn, ready to grow, willing to walk through whatever comes my way.
In this way, I think we’re all capable of living our best lives right now.
Of making decisions, one day at a time, in which we choose to take care of ourselves. To honor our true nature. To step toward one thing that we know might bring us life in one moment.
These small, daily decisions are what add up to become our one best life.
NEW EVENTS ARE COMING IN DEC & JAN!
SUNDAY ZOOM IS THIS SUNDAY, DEC. 1!
Because you’ve been asking, this is a FREE, unscripted gathering for women travelers.
Bring your questions, your tips and be ready to connect with other likeminded women out there.
Zooms take place every other Sunday at 3 pm EST.
Next date:
Sunday, Dec. 1 from 3-4 pm EST
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I’ll be offering 2 ways to work closely with me in the next year:
1- My next Brave Journey cohort will begin in February!
This is where I help you map out and create your very own transformative version of an Eat, Pray, Love journey. You’ll not only plan the journey, but also embark on your own journey of self-discovery in the process. And I’ll be there to help every step of the way.
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