Is there "unused life" bubbling inside of you?

Pt 2: Shirley Valentine on an unused life

Feb 29, 2024

On her dream trip to Greece, everything doesn’t go exactly as Shirley Valentine had imagined. During her time away, questions about her life purpose and who she really is began to bubble to the surface.

The questions she asks herself in this clip are not unlike the ones many of us have asked or are asking right now.

"I’ve led such a little life. And even that will be over pretty soon.
I have allowed myself to lead this little life ... while inside, there is so much more.
And it has all gone unused. And now it never will be.
Why do we get all of this life if we don’t ever use it?
Why do we get all these feelings and dreams and hopes … if we don't ever use them?
That's where Shirley Valentine disappeared to ...
She got lost in all this unused life.”
— Shirley Valentine

My solo trip to Ohrid, Macedonia at age 43 led me down the path to finding myself again.

Shirley’s not the only woman who’s questioned her life in her 40s.

I found myself on a plane in my 40s questioning both my career and my nearly two decades-long marriage.

Here’s a snippet from the memoir I’m writing, including a journal entry I made while on that very plane:

“Red or white wine?” the flight attendant asks, abruptly ending my mental trip down memory lane.
“Actually, can I have a whiskey?” I ask, hoping it might tame the pendulum of both my grief and joy.
I take a sip and slowly let the liquid slide down my throat, savoring the burn. I think about how marriages often don’t fall apart because of a single unforgivable incident. Instead, they unravel, one disappointment, one wound, one action or inaction at a time, until you wonder if there’s enough good left to make it for the long haul. I am hoping that there is enough good left for us. I am hoping we can gather it and knit our marriage together again. But some of this is out of my control, and honestly, I don’t know what everything will look like when I return. My mind wanders to my journey ahead. I pull out a pen and the slim new journal I’ve been saving for this trip, and I write:
I’m headed back to Europe. I hope this trip helps to soothe my wounds and clarify what my soul needs. I pray changing both my pace and place will allow me to connect with myself and discover the me I need and want to be moving forward. I pray that somehow the way will become clear. I know my heart won’t come home healed, but maybe it will return stronger to face whatever is ahead of me.

I never promise that travel fixes everything.

But it can give us the space we need to find ourselves again.

It can change and transform us in profound ways.

It changed Shirley Valentine’s life.

And it changed mine.

If you need help, or even just a nudge, to discover what’s possible for you through travel, I’ve created a workshop specifically for you.